Know better, learn faster

31 Mar

You should listen to that song, it’s by Thao with the Get Down Stay Down. And pretty much sums up my life – like I should know that some days just do not go my way, and learn how to deal with them faster!

So bliggity bloggers, as you can tell today was not the best day. It wasn’t the worst, more like a series of unfortunate events that are comical for others but otherwise unfortunate for me. For example, today was my last Italian language class of the winter. To celebrate, my class was going to have a party at the end and we were all supposed to bring something. My thing was fruit – so I happily went to the store early this morning and got strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, and a huuuge bag of really yummy grapes. If you couldn’t tell, I really love fruit. Almost as much as L loves salad. While checking out, I contemplated buying a re-usable bag. This was my first mistake. I ended up going with plastic because I have a number of reusable bags at home and do not need another one. However, I didn’t think about the weight of everything I bought and my bag immediately began to tear. On top of that I had a very heavy purse filled with Italian textbooks, my lunch bag and my umbrella.

I somehow made it to work without any major disaster, but I did notice the the button on my coat was severed in half. How did this happen, I wonder? Alas, I have no idea and will have to walk around for the rest of the winter season with a button that looks like a small gremlin got hungry and started eating it.

Now, if there’s one thing you should know about me it’s that I’m very clumsy. I often refer to myself as Liz Lemon (as in, the Liz Lemon from 30 Rock that I mentioned in my bathroom fiasco post).

Liz Lemon

We both say “nerds” and “what the WHAT” a lot, which helps the comparisons.

Me as Liz Lemon for Halloween

Sometimes I think that my life could be similar to characters in a movie, or tv, because they’re just as clumsy/socially awkward/cynical as I am. For example, Liz Lemon is clumsy and always seems to say the wrong thing, Bridget Jones has very little luck with love (well, in the beginning at least), and Ally McBeal is  a complete wackadoo … except that in the end, Liz Lemon has an awesome job in NYC and lives in a great apartment, Bridget Jones ends up with Colin Firth, and Ally McBeal lives in a huge two bedroom apartment in Boston where, coincidentally, it’s always sunny and beautiful – and I live in a crappy two bedroom apartment with NO insulation, am perpetually single, and have a cat that I am convinced is trying to kill me.

My creepy cat, plotting my death from atop the refrigerator, where I'm sure all maniacal cat planning takes place.

Anyway. As I am rushing from work to my Italian class, it starts to rain. So, juggling everything I have I manage to get my umbrella out and try to balance my bag of grapes on top of my plethora of berries. The wind is blowing, the rain is getting in my eyes, and to make matters worse there are TOURISTS EVERYWHERE. One gust of wind and my little body is thrown off balance and plop, squish – down go my grapes, all over the sidewalk. Balls!

Now if this were a movie/tv show, that would be the moment that the good looking and slightly off-beat male sees my moment of distress, decides to help and discovers that I am cute in a quirky way and asks me out for some coffee. BUT, because this is REAL LIFE people, and because I’m me, this is what I got instead:

Obnoxious tourists

Stupid tourists who proceeded to laugh and squish all of the grapes I had just bought all over the sidewalk! REALLY PEOPLE?! Is this necessary? I think not. *fist shake* I don’t have a picture of the great grape-spill of 2011 because by this time it was reeaallly raining, and I was reeallly late for class. But let me tell you, it was not pretty. A lot of good grapes lost their lives today, and for what? For some dumb tourists to laugh at my misfortune! Pinheads!

But don’t worry, blogosphere, all hope for my day was not lost. There was a good amount of pasta, dessert, and most importantly WINE to go around at my class’s party! Now, none of that wine was Lambrusco, the drink of choice for L, A and I, but it was very good and made me temporarily forget about my day. I may or may not have finished the last of it by drinking straight out of the bottle. Listen, before you judge me just know that no one else was going to take it home, no one else wanted it and no one wanted it to go to waste. So being the trouper I am, I took one for the team. I do what I have to, ok?

“J”, you may be saying “I don’t like wine. This post is of no relevance to me. Except that I like to laugh at your misfortune like all of those tourists.”

First of all, go suck an egg for laughing at me. Second of all, go suck an egg for doubting the wonderful taste-sensation of Lambrusco. It is amazing! If you do not like wine, you will still like this delectable beverage. If you don’t believe me, go to your local grocery store/CVS and pick up a bottle for roughly $5. You’ll find it near the concord grape juice – wine snobs, judge away – but while you’re paying over $20 for your uppity bottle of wine that you’re sipping because you want to make it last longer, I am enjoying a nice buzz off of $5, so I think we all know who comes out on top here.

Happiness in a bottle

Well, I think that is all for the night. Theoretically I will be awake in six hours to work out, but we’ll see how I’m feeling. For some insane reason I’ve decided to start doing Jillian Michaels’ “Ripped in 30” dvd alternated with her “6 week 6 pack” dvd. Apparently, I hate my life and want to torture myself because this woman is a MACHINE and my entire body hurts after just two days. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE THAT FIT?! We should all ask L, because she is a pretty fit lady.

Until next time,

J

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One Response to “Know better, learn faster”

  1. L , your MI friend March 31, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    Um, I love you and I love LOVE the image of the tourist. They are ridiculous!

    And I love that you drank all the wine. If I were there with you, I would totally have done the same thing. Especially, if I had spent the evening attempting to speak Italian.

    p.s. your cat is the DEVIL

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